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The National Catholic Broadcasting Council presents, Let Us Reflect Together. 40 Days of Lent Retreat from the Cross to Hope. Day 24, Forgiveness, a New Beginning, The Pain of Being Wronged, with Monsignor David Rylander.

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The human condition is messy. Negative emotions and thoughts often trigger an instinct to retaliate. While we cannot forgive sin itself, we can choose not to act out of anger or resentment. Sacrificing negative emotions to restore human dignity is always an option, though the road can be lonely and difficult. The pain of being wrong can be deep and overwhelming, making forgiveness seem impossible. The hurt of a moral wrong may produce an immediate flood of anger, rage, resentment, bitterness, fear, sadness or depression, and can leave us feeling hopeless and empty without our even thinking about it. This instinctual toxic mixture can tempt us either to strike back or to withdraw. Neither response is productive. Retaliation may offer a momentary sense of satisfaction, but it poisons the heart. Withdrawal leads to isolation and possibly denial. No one likes pain, but as the saying goes, we often learn the most during painful times because pain forces us to focus on what threatens us. This is the hidden positive sign of emotional pain. Pain can be an invitation to moral and spiritual growth. The initial shock of being wronged shakes us awake by showing that something in our world is not right. Once the shock passes, the process of healing and growth can begin by accepting what happened. Telling the wrongdoer that you're feeling hurt is a better way of confronting them than accusing them of doing something to you. Let the pain guide you forward. Try this exercise. First, feel and name the pain specifically. God gave us these emotions for a reason. Denying or suppressing them is not helpful. Turning to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain only deepens the wound. When we acknowledge that what we feel, the mind receives the message and begins to let go. Yes, I hear you. Let's move on. Second, ask whether the wrongdoer intended harm. Was it malice or simple insensitivity? Was the injury as great as it seemed? If speaking directly to the person feels too difficult, consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member who can help you see the situation more clearly. Third, when feeling numb, overwhelmed, or paralyzed, be patient and compassionate with yourself. Remember your divine dignity. Find a secure place and hold yourself. Connect with the Spirit of God within you, and share your pain with the crucified one. Jesus is with you as you feel emotionally crucified. Even he knew frustration and sorrow. He grew angry when he cleansed the temple and wept over Jerusalem. He experienced the terror of crucifixion. Though intrapersonal forgiveness is not a part of our discussion, forgiveness of self needs its own reflection. When you wrong yourself, compassion is the key because you will be in a state of self-conflict. Remember that Jesus' sacrifice was for you. If he is willing to forgive you, shouldn't you? Choose the road of Saint Peter and Saint Paul in self-forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes. If you can forgive others, then you can also forgive yourself, because you are God's son or daughter. For reflection, sit before a crucifix and recall the pain of a wrong you've experienced it. Share it with the Lord.

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Join us tomorrow for Day 25. Forgiveness, a new beginning. Forgiveness as Sacrifice with Monsignor David Rylander. For more information, please email us at info at ncbc.ca, visit our website at daily tvmass.com, or call our office toll-free at one eight eight eight three eight three six two two two two two two two two two two seven seven.