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The National Catholic Broadcasting Council presents Let us reflect together. 40 Days of Lent Retreat from the Cross to Hope. Day 26, Forgiveness, A New Beginning, Difficult Cases, with Monsignor David Rylander.

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St. Paul struggled with forgiveness. In 2 Timothy, he wrote, Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm. The Lord will pay him back for his deeds. These are not words of reconciliation. When discussing forgiveness, it is important to be realistic and practical, especially in difficult situations. Sometimes insensitivities can destroy the trust we have given, especially within families. With loved ones, it can help to distinguish between forgiveness in faith and emotional forgiveness. The difference looks like this. By my faith in Christ, I choose to forgive, even if emotionally I have not yet done so. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a sacrificial gift. I make a faith statement in my soul to forgive as Jesus would. Second, I take responsibility for my feelings and learn to manage them. Whether I renew the relationship is another matter. Much depends on how close you are and whether the person is aware of having caused harm. Consider how to communicate your hurt. Will the person be open to your feelings or will they turn them back on you? Consulting another family member may help. Loved ones are hard to avoid and may not give room for reflection. Know that you are a valued part of the family and that your feelings are valid and that you have the right to express them. Be careful not to accuse. Instead, say, I felt this way when you said or did this. Try speaking privately so the person is not embarrassed in front of others. A loved one who is difficult to speak with may require support from the family. When the wrongdoer has a pattern of denial or confrontation, forgiveness in faith is especially wise. Bringing up the incident may only worsen the situation. This applies also to work situations and superiors. Forgiveness in faith does not mean suppressing your feelings or excusing the wrongdoing. It means acknowledging your feelings to yourself or someone you trust. Pray for peace for the person, but remain aware of their disposition. Wisdom will guide you. Consider Jesus and the Pharisees. He never offered them forgiveness openly. Time may be needed for a wrongdoer to admit the truth. It took our rent decades to forgive Heidegger. The person who does not want your forgiveness is particularly challenging. You have the dignity of being a son or daughter of God, not a punching bag. While your pain is great, theirs is worse, though they do not realize it. Your forgiveness may fall on deaf ears, yet there is no need to suffer in silence. Always consider the situation carefully. When greatly confused, speak to your pastor or someone you trust. While not exhausted, I hope these thoughts have been helpful. In our next talk, we will reflect on the toxic consequences when we choose not to forgive. For reflection, meditate on 2 Timothy 4. Pray for your wrongdoer.

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Join us tomorrow for Day 27, Forgiveness, a New Beginning, the Cost of Unforgiveness with Monsignor David Rylander. For more information, please email us at info at ncbc.ca, visit our website at daily tvmass.com, or call our office toll free at one eight eight eight three eight three six two seven seven seven seven seven seven seven.