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The National Catholic Broadcasting Council presents. Let us reflect together. 40 Days of Lent Retreat. From the Cross to Hope. Day 27, Forgiveness. A new beginning. The cost of unforgiveness with Monsignor David Rylander.

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Forgiveness is a choice to release our wrongdoer from resentment and retaliation and work through the consequences of being wrong. Some of us get stuck and want vengeance. However, not forgiving is also a choice, but one that is self-destructive. Here's why. When we are wrong, the brain releases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These raise blood pressure, increase heart rate, and make us hyper-alert. That is why you cannot relax in a state of rage. Psychological stress follows, such as feeling unsafe, lowering well-being, disturbing sleep, reducing objectivity, and increasing the likelihood of depression and anxiety. Some turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. There are also physiological damages that can occur. Prolonged stress may damage brain structures and increase the risk of stroke or heart attack. Excess cortisol can become toxic. Relationships also suffer. Anger and bitterness make us irritable and short-tempered, harming other relationships. We may withdraw or lose our sense of humor. Others may find it difficult to be around us, leading to isolation. Poor anger management, obsessive resentment, rumination, and uncontrolled anger undermine a healthy life, putting us into a toxic mess. Unforgiveness is maladaptive and self-defeating, besides being a spiritual dead end. Morally, it is contrary to divine law and the opposite of being the image and likeness of God. It is a choice to turn away from the good, as did Adam and Eve. There is nothing life-giving about it, but it makes a mockery of Jesus' sacrifice. How can those who choose unforgiveness ask Jesus to forgive their sins in the Lord's Prayer? On the other hand, forgiveness releases hormones such as dopamine and serotonin, which counter stress. Blood pressure lowers, heart rate slows, the mind becomes more objective. Alertness calms, sleep improves, energy returns, and depression lifts. Forgiveness is a process, not a moment. It takes time to recover from the pain and shock of being wronged. Be patient with yourself and with the wrongdoer as the Lord is patient with you. Previously I mentioned being compassionate with yourself. Try also being compassionate with your wrongdoer, even raising the possibility changes how the brain responds. Practice saying, I forgive you in your mind. Even if you do not believe it yet. Even if you say it only to feel better. Unforgiveness is a poisonous state. Try to create at least a desire for forgiveness. Even if everything within you screams against it. This effort opens a door for the Holy Spirit to re-enter your soul and offer you grace. An unforgiving soul is a dark place. I beg of you to let some divine light in, if only to care for yourself and stop the poisoning, or you will destroy yourself spiritually. What is worse are those who care not for God's forgiveness, for by the divine gift of free will, forgiveness cannot be forced upon us by God. It is much better to struggle with releasing your wrongdoer from their wrong and bear the consequences than to have a cold hardened heart. For reflection, pray the Our Father slowly, line by line, and focus especially on the words as we forgive those who sin against us.

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Join us tomorrow for Day 28. Forgiveness, a new beginning. What forgiveness is with Monsignor David Rylander. For more information, please email us at info at ncbc.ca, visit our website at daily tvmass.com, or call our office toll-free at one eight eight eight-three eight three six two seven seven seven seven seven seven seven.